DIARY: Warming warning, Syntagma Christmas reads, Annoyment, Isle of Man, March 25, Dog days
Remember those stop-loss computer programs that were all the rage in the City and on Wall Street some years ago?
Ingenious really. When a share index hit pre-set levels, screens would go beserk: BUY, BUY, BUY or SELL, SELL, SELL.
The problem was, every broker had identical software. When various points were reached, everyone in the share-dealing firmament would buy or sell. The result was huge spikes up, followed by vertiginous drops down. The market charts became one vast zig-zag of frantic activity.
Somehow the authorities got over that so that sanity returned. Graphs became more like the wolds of Kent than alien mountain ranges.
Something similar happened to your diarist back when long-distance running was the height of fashion. I wrote some software for marathon runners which used mathematical formulations to set training routines, and even predict the time each runner would achieve in the actual race. The programs sold in Boots and W.H. Smith. The great European record holder Bruce Tulloh sponsored one of them.
There was a flaw in the code, though — there always is! A kindly professional software engineer wrote to inform me that in an either/or situation, the “neither of the above” result, which was by far the most likely outcome, rested on a single numeral. He pointed out that hardly anyone would hit this knife-edge number despite its importance.
The more I read about the computer models used to verify so-called catastrophic man-made global warming (or cooling), the more I get the sense that the “neither of the above” category has been squeezed out of existence in the same way.
We are told that all the software used by the Met Office, NASA, the University of East Anglia (how did they muscle in?), and other “authorities” around the planet, use code that “always predicts global warming” and is set always to produce the notorious “hockey stick” graphic result.
Frankly, I would ban “modelling” software and require all “scientists” to work the damn stuff out for themselves.
Syntagma’s Christmas Reads
It’s good to see that Rowan Williams, Archbishop of Canterbury, has a new book out. Even better that it’s on one of my favourite authors: Dostoevsky: Language, Faith and Fiction. This is my top tip for year end. I just hope Amazon gets it to Syntagma Towers in time.
Available free from The Taxpayers’ Alliance, 83 Victoria Street, London, SW1H 0HW, Ten Years On: Britain Without the European Union by Dr Lee Rotherham, is well worth a peruse, if you crave politics over Christmas.
If you’re interested in durability, time warps, extensibility, longevity, life, you might try: The Eternal Quest for Immortality: Is it staring you in the face? by a denizen of this parish. Just click the button, but hurry time’s getting very short — for delivery, I mean.
I wish someone wrote decent novels these days. One can’t always rely on the latest Dan Brown or old John Buchans. Can anyone recommend a good fact and thought-filled piece of fiction to pass the time over the holidays?
Oh well, I’ll just have to write one myself.
Annoyment of the Week
A Gordon Brown Free Zone
We’ve written many times here that when the good times are rolling, policymakers become blind to the obvious. They appear incapable of seeing the flaws in their mental infrastructure.
Similarly, during hard times, as now, they are petulantly reluctant to face the facts arrayed before their eyes.
The Pre-Budget Report was a blatant example of premeditative anti-social behaviour. Its cast of characters included a brow-beaten Chancellor unable to follow his deepest instincts in the face of intimidation by his desperate boss. Is honest weakness preferable to thuggish culpability? Probably, but the outcomes are the same.
We also witnessed a putative Prime Minister who smirked throughout the ritual reading of the PBR, imagining he was getting one over on everyone else. It’s hard to imagine who would ever vote for such a man.
This morning we had Brown sidekick Ed Balls on Andrew Marr delivering pop-eyed attempts at sincerity when, to a man and woman, the show’s informed viewers knew precisely that he was pulling the contents of a wool warehouse over their eyes. As an exercise in futility it would take some beating.
One longed for Mayor Boris Johnson — also on the show — to mount a coup from London City Hall. Crisp thinking and a positive, unquenchable spirit is what the country needs now.
My thanks to those kindly souls who advised me not to move to the Isle of Man, following my piece midweek.
It emerges that such a move is not to be undertaken lightly and would probably not deliver the hoped for improvements.
I’m told one can keep Brussels at arm’s length by ignoring everything the collectariat says — as do the French, Germans, Italians and Spanish. British leaders, I’m advised, regard it as a privilege to be bossed about by foreigners.
I hope the new Tory Government will prove them wrong on that one.
March 25 is now the hot tip as the date of the General Election. Apparently, Gordon Brown is quivering with excitement at what he perceives to be a narrowing of opinion into Hung Parliament territory. Add to that the desperate poverty of the Labour party in comparison to the “stuffed with cash” Conservatives, and you have powerful motivations to go early.
However, Brown is a ditherer and can change his mind in a minute. Quite what the 17-point lead for the Tories in one of today’s papers will do for his resolve is anyone’s guess.
Syntagma’s Advice to Brown
The government you lead is disintegrating in a swamp of lies and sleeze. It’s hard to see how it can cling on to power next year. Things will only get worse as time goes on. Many of the third-party votes accumulating in the opinion polls are almost certainly notional and will swing behind the Conservatives on polling day just to get rid of you, Gordon.
Go early, go fast, and get out. As Einstein said, “We cannot solve our problems with the mind that created them.”
These are the dog days before the festive season begins in all its shallow earnestness. Works and office parties are already taking their toll on bleary-eyed commuters, while shopping in this time of austerity is not producing streets full of happy bunnies.
In fact, it doesn’t feel much like Christmas at all. Folk are wary of sending out cards or presents by post because of threats of strikes and the usual chaos. So far, I’ve only had one — from the Royal Mail. Cheeky blighters!
I’m recycling last year’s cards, but only because I ordered three times too many. If you’re on my list, expect the return of a snowy Buckingham Palace with the Horse Guards trooping down the Mall. It’s worth a reprise, I think.
Our chums at the Met Office — just down the road from here — are forecasting a mild winter, but not before an eviscerating cold spell gets us in the mood. They also expect another a barbecue summer. Despite having the memory of an elephant, I can’t quite remember one of those. Ah, yes, in Perth, Australia, last time I was there.
Science becomes more like science fiction every year.
John Evans
HURRY: Last Chance to buy The Eternal Quest for Immortality: Is it staring you in the face by John Evans in time for Christmas.
Buy now by clicking on the discount button at the top of the sidebar, or from Amazon.co.uk, or Amazon.com.
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There are two things every school child should be taught as the basis of their education:
Some months ago, when the scale of Britain’s debt problem became clear, I suggested a cut of £150 billion from the UK’s mountainous £650bn annual public expenditure bill — Gordon Brown’s toxic gift to the nation.
From the heights of our self-imposed ordinance of “No politics”, you might be led to believe that there’s very little else to write about.
I’ve decided to give up writing about politics on this site. The reason is that, with a new business to run, there simply isn’t time.
