It’s that quadrennial time again when our football supporters and top players, with their WAGS in tow, leave our shores for foreign climes.

Far from leaving us in peace, they get at us by dominating TV and radio airwaves with their inane chanting and drunken rowdiness.

Definition of the World Cup: People getting excited by people getting excited.

William Hague and David Cameron have a chance to exploit the bitter split between Germany’s Chancellor, Angela Merkel, and France’s President, Nicolas Sarkozy.

Sarko wants to set up an economic government for the European Union — a council of the eurozone — to regulate the EU’s “economy”. Merkel is set against such a move, which would be heavily resisted in Germany.

Note the intrusion of eurozone affairs into the EU. Britain, Sweden and Denmark, along with newer members of the EU, are not in the eurozone at all, although some have applied. It has to be said, it’s very unlikely that any of these applicants will be granted access to the top table. Hungary’s woes, made public last week, have certainly put the kibosh on its future membership.

Britain should not be hesitant in all this. It’s in the UK’s interests to break up the big, cumbersome bloc of Western European nations and its “European Model” that is likely to retard growth worldwide for decades to come.

As suggested here before, Britain should aim to drive a wedge between the eurozone proper and the wider European Union.

A new loose bloc, without a common currency, involving some northern European states: UK, Germany, Netherlands, Poland, Czech Republic and Ireland, would challenge the spendthrift power of the rest of the eurozone.

Is the Coalition up to such bold politics? Will Nick Clegg abandon his europhilia in the face of its slow-motion collapse?

These are questions that will tell us much about the sustainability of our new Government.

Dick Cheney, the former US Vice President, was reported by Francis Fukuyama to have told President George W. Bush that “deficits don’t matter”. At the time, even large deficits were easily handled by selling American bonds to China and by incoming investments in dollar assets.

It’s not so easy today, even though China has partly reversed its retreat from the dollar. It has nowhere else to go now that the eurozone is in its death throes.

Even so, the idea that deficits don’t matter means that governments’ stock of public debt grows year by year and has to be paid for through increasing interest payments. The danger point is breached when a debt compound spiral adds costs that can’t be met out of income or yet more borrowing.

Venice has been selling off its Palaces (palazzos) to all-comers just to service its spiralling debts. Britain may approach that point within this Parliament as national debt hits 100% of GDP.

But back to Dick Cheney. He was also the prime encourager of US involvement in Middle Eastern wars. Trillions of American treasure has been spent in Afghanistan and Iraq, making the United States one of the world’s deficit basket cases.

Now we hear that the company Cheney ran, Halliburton, was the supplier of the faulty cement for the BP oil well and is deeply implicated in the current Gulf of Mexico catastrophe.

Is Dick Cheney the worst disaster to happen to the United States in recent history?

Annoyment of the Week

Two or three months ago, I wrote a tongue-in-cheek diary piece about a building near where I live named Casting House. I imagined Cheryl Cole popping in and out of a back door and a queue of would-be starlets.

Last week, behind that rear entrance, a store of road-making materials blew up. A enormous plume of black smoke caused by burning bitumen soon hung over the adjoining residential area, including Syntagma Towers. The cloud could be seen from as far away as Dawlish.

Fifteen fire engines and 84 firefighters burst upon our tranquil scene. Many of us were evacuated by the police because of toxic fumes and the danger of a “massive explosion” of gas cylinders stored on-site.

Was Casting House getting its own back on me for casting aspersions against its industrial honour?

I wouldn’t be at all surprised.

Met Office woes are reprised. Despite the rash of criticism over its performance, after forecasting the direct opposite of what our weather actually turns out to be, the Met Office Wet Office has just got worse.

Hoteliers on the English Riviera are complaining again that the bad weather forecasts for two recent sunny Bank holiday weekends, have cost them a fortune in lost revenues.

During the recent ash cloud disaster for the airline industry, guess which institution was gathering and number-crunching the data for Europe and beyond. Yes, our old chums at the Met Office.

As far as anyone can remember, when they operated off the Air Ministry roof with a few thermometers and a rain gauge, they were a national treasure. They even got the weather spot on for the D-Day landings.

Those of us who live in the West Country suspect it was their move to Exeter that broke the back of this once fine body of cloud watchers. Some believe that many of the boffins are lounging around on the beaches rather than compiling their charts.

Actually, it seems to be their involvement with international affairs and global problems that has destroyed Met Office credibility.

The United Nations and NASA relied heavily on Met Office-sponsored research at the University of East Anglia for the climate change outrage, just as the European Union trusted them with Icelandic volcanic eruptions.

Megalomania probably comes near to the truth.

Quote of the Week

“Quiet effectiveness is what I aspire to. There has not been some frenetic round of the media. This is one of the first interviews I have done.”
David Cameron, speaking to The Sunday Times

Have a good week.

John Evans

Recent Related Commentary
DIARY: Blighted euro, David Laws, Charabanc, Annoyment, Exeter Chiefs
DIARY: Corrida of the Chancellors, Kelly doubts, Irish Dave, Syntagma at 5, Annoyment
DIARY: Tories can still win, Daily Telegraph, Annoyment, Farage fandango, Transylvanian vampires, Boris where art thou?, Patriotic pic
DIARY: Inequality Benedict, Blubbing Brown, Annoyment, Brown’s Five Tests, Booker opens the books, Dambisa Moyo

Updated 7.50pm Saturday 29/05/2010: See foot of this piece.

I must admit, when I heard this story last night on the paper reviews, I was adamant David Laws must resign as Chief Secretary to the Treasury for bringing the new Government into disrepute so soon into its short life.

This morning, John Humphrys’ precision interrogation on the Today programme reinforced my opinion that the last thing the Coalition needs, a couple of weeks into its 5-year term of office, is a return to the parliamentary expenses scandal.

The counterweight is that Laws is a Gladstonian Liberal, promoting small government, low taxes, free trade — a localist born and bred. He’s undoubtedly closer to Margaret Thatcher economically than to Charlie Kennedy, Ming Campbell and Paddy Ashdown. Clearly, he’s made for the job.

So, what has he done? By his own admission, he claimed £40,000 for a second home in London, to which he was perfectly entitled under the rules prevailing at the time. Indeed he claimed much less than was available to him.

However, the person to whom he paid the rent was his long-term male lover and, when he moved to another property, so did David Laws. It was kept very quiet because neither Laws nor the “significant other” wanted their circumstances made public. The argument now turns on whether the landlord was Laws’ “partner”.

Frankly, I don’t much care what word is used, they’re all meaningless anyway. So-called human rights law has mangled the whole field of relationships under a pile of euphemisms and silly labels that make little sense to people outside the cosy metropolitan consensus of London. Not everyone is a Notting Hillbilly.

My own view of the case is this: David Laws is the dream candidate for Secretary of State for Cuts. He has a double-first in economics from Cambridge and has actually worked in some starry financial institutions, J.P. Morgan and an investment bank. His qualifications, work experience, and political orientation (if I can use that word) make him virtually irreplaceable in his post — one commentator even thought him a future Prime Minister.

In the end, the country must come before insignificant reputational matters. Although nobody is ever indispensable, for reasons of mortality, Britain needs David Laws more than he needs the rest of us.

The Prime Minister will be mortified about this, and is probably in more than two minds about what to do. He is nothing if not adaptable though, as recent extraordinary events have proved.

I believe Laws should be left in post — although the views of the Chancellor, George Osborne, should be respected. The thought of Vince Cable in the post is enough to short circuit any change, surely?

For once, we must put aside Labour’s fiddly ways and means, and take a broad decision based on the national interest. As I type this, I’m aware that Philip Hammond could be dusting off his old briefcase, or John Redwood preparing himself for a really top job in Government — which he has deserved for a very long time.

However, to err is human, and good Prime Ministers know when to stay the axe.

Update: David Laws has just resigned as Chief Secretary to the Treasury. Lib Dem Danny Alexander is to take over his role. This is not a good day for our Coalition Government.

Update: Nick Clegg hopes that Laws may rejoin the Government at some later date.

John Evans

Recent Related Commentary
Saturday Ramble: The Conservatism is just below the surface
Saturday Ramble: Dick Clameron takes office
Saturday Ramble: Time for real change, Dave
Saturday Ramble: What if I were Nick Clegg?
Saturday Ramble: The Church and a State of Grace
Saturday Ramble: Big Bangs are not what they used to be

SNP Westminster leader, Angus Robertson’s assertion that because the Conservatives only have one seat in Scotland, a Tory Government across the UK would not be proper, is wrong. Alex Salmond has also made a similar point. This from a regional party with six Parliamentary seats and a minority in Scotland.

The absurdity of Robertson’s argument lies in the SNP’s irritating habit of confusing what happens in Scotland with UK-wide elections.

Normally the arithmetic determines who rules in London. A Prime Minister must be able to command a majority in the House of Commons, whether from his own party exclusively or a combination of other friendly groupings.

However, the devolution settlement in Scotland, now with its own Parliament for home affairs, and less powerful Assemblies in Wales and Northern Ireland, change the expectations from any deal.

The largest “nation” in the United Kingdom, England, does not have a Parliament. It shares its legislature with the three Celtic regions, and indeed supplements their high-spending habits.

England voted overwhelmingly Conservative in this, and also in the previous, General Election. David Cameron has a majority of 62 in England, and is very close to one in the UK overall. He also gained three million votes from Labour. In these circumstances, the expectation must be that the Tories form a Government in Westminster.

The alternative is that the old exhausted Labour Government, now a diminished minority, is retained at a time of acute financial and economic crisis. That is simply not acceptable. It completely disenfranchises the English, who would be subject to two regimes, one foreign, they have not voted for.

No country can treat the largest part of its population with such disdain and hope to survive as a constitutional entity.

The spectacle of failed Prime Minister Gordon Brown hanging on in Downing Street, while the badly beaten Liberal Democrats swan around deciding who should replace him, is beyond parody. In the vernacular, it stinks.

David Cameron must stand up for his large English majority. He needs to speak out now and send a discreet message to the Palace.

He also needs to be visibly, publicly, angry.

The three regional “parliaments” have changed irrevocably the alchemy of General Elections. In the absence of a decisive majority whose credentials are clear, England’s wish must hold sway. In this case, David Cameron should be Prime Minister now, with a few weeks grace in which to negotiate his Queen’s Speech and his emergency Budget through the House of Commons.

Forget Labour-friendly Gus O’Donnell’s paper on procedure, the Queen should have been advised to dismiss Gordon Brown on Friday and send for David Cameron. Nothing less satisfies both the electorate’s verdict and the expectations of the English.

England expects!

John Evans

Recent Related Commentary
Election Aftermath: Adam Boulton and Alastair Campbell nearly come to blows
Election Notebook: Debate — Raging and drowning
Election Notebook: Terrific Conservative broadcast
Election Notebook: A more interesting debate, if less spectacular
Election Notebook: Clegg has performed a national service
Election Notebook: Are the Tories imploding?
Election Notebook: Don’t rule out Nick Clegg as Leader of the Opposition
Election Notebook: Pearly Clegg takes first debate on personality
Election Notebook: Dave, don’t forget to shave
Election Notebook: Cameron launches truly radical manifesto
Election Notebook: The General Election Derby, 2010

Received today in a “light-hearted” round-robin email titled: Asylum:

IF YOU CROSS THE NORTH KOREAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET 12 YEARS HARD LABOR.

IF YOU CROSS THE IRANIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU ARE DETAINED INDEFINITELY.

IF YOU CROSS THE AFGHAN BORDER ILLEGALLY, YOU GET SHOT

IF YOU CROSS THE SAUDI ARABIAN BORDER ILEGALLY YOU WILL BE JAILED.

IF YOU CROSS THE CHINESE BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU MAY NEVER BE HEARD FROM AGAIN.

IF YOU CROSS THE VENEZUELAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE BRANDED A SPY AND YOUR FATE WILL BE SEALED.

IF YOU CROSS THE CUBAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE THROWN INTO POLITICAL PRISON TO ROT.

IF YOU CROSS THE THAI BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU ARE IMMEDIATELY DEPORTED AFTER A SPELL IN THE MONKEY HOUSE.

IF YOU CROSS THE BRITISH BORDER ILLEGALLY; YOU GET A JOB, A DRIVERS LICENSE, SOCIAL INSURANCE CARD, MONEY FROM SOCIAL SECURITY, FOOD STAMPS, CREDIT CARDS, SUBSIDIZED RENT OR A LOAN TO BUY A HOUSE, FREE EDUCATION AND FREE HEALTH CARE.

Now what was it Private Fraser used to say in Dad’s Army …. ?

John Evans

Recent Related Commentary
Saturday Ramble: Bubbles — how they destroy us and how we can fight back
Saturday Ramble: Gordon Brown’s Invictus rictus
Saturday Ramble: Pre-Budget frog spawn
Saturday Ramble: My word, you do look queer!

There are two things every school child should be taught as the basis of their education:

1. Learn to do something
2. Learn to do nothing

Learning to do something is obviously important since most students will have to earn a living. Doing something well is a prerequisite of wealth at all times.

As far as I’m aware, learning to do nothing is not in the National Curriculum. It should be. I’ve spent most of my life perfecting the art of doing nothing, which is probably why I ended up as a writer. When you do nothing, you enter mysterious depths where the real treasure is to be found.

The Pre-Budget Report was so obviously written by someone who can only do “something”. If Gordon Brown had learned as a lad to do nothing, he wouldn’t have got us into this mess in the first place.

It’s like the phrase, “He thinks out of the box”, implying that most people are forever confined to their boxes — the Undead, perhaps. Well, Gordon Brown has given us a vivid impression of a vampire over the past decade, syphoning off the country’s life blood.

Only those who have learned how to do nothing, know there’s a third way. For them, there is no box. They can see far beyond the current consensus to a world of infinite possibilities.

Meanwhile, the climate change hysterics are trapped in their nightmare of tsunamis and things that go “crump” in the dark. Anything can happen, and probably will. They live in constant dread and feel impelled to force the rest of us to comply with the rules of their savage, preternatural world. Their antics could well draw down other kinds of disaster, but not the ones they fear.

There’s an old tale about the frog who lives in a well and his cousin who lives by the sea in the sand dunes. One day, the sea frog visits his relative in the well and, as happens on these occasions, the conversation turns to philosophy.

“The universe is infinite,” says the sea frog, “surrounded by blue seas and topped by a wonderful blue sky.”

“Don’t be daft,” replies the well frog. “The universe is tubular, about 10 feet across and bounded by a slimy brick wall.”

The difference between them is that the well frog is forever busying about making up for the deficiencies of the dank, slippery well, while the sea frog is quite happy to saunter about his magical landscape contemplating his good fortune. Eventually, however, the well frog’s activities will undermine the foundations of the well, causing it to collapse, depriving everyone in the neighbourhood of fresh water.

The Pre-Budget Report and all its predecessors after 1997 were made by a denizen of a deep, dark well. He is forever “in the box” unable to see how illusory it is and always destined to do “something” rather than nothing.

Learning to do nothing is just as important as learning to do something.

John Evans

HURRY: Last Chance to buy The Eternal Quest for Immortality: Is it staring you in the face by John Evans in time for Christmas.

Buy now by clicking on the discount button at the top of the sidebar, or from Amazon.co.uk, or Amazon.com.

Recent Related Commentary
Saturday Ramble: My word, you do look queer!
Saturday Ramble: Rotten information – Part 2
Saturday Ramble: Poor information is destroying the quality of our lives
Saturday Ramble: 1759 and all that + 250