Now we know what will happen to the Australian rugby team when they return to Oz after their defeat by England in the World Cup.

It’s reported that an Italian tourist who swallowed anti-freeze in the north of Queensland was admitted to a hospital intensive care unit and fed a case of vodka over three days.

Of course, that begs the question of who uses anti-freeze in the north of Queensland, but we’ll let that pass. It seems the poor sap was hooked up to a drip of pure alcohol, and when that ran out, doctors bought a case of vodka and fed him four bottles a day for three days.

Strewth, the hangover doesn’t bear thinking about. The doctors say he was kept in a “medically-induced” coma for three weeks, so probably didn’t notice the after-effects.

If the vodka had run out, would they have used Fosters lager, the amber fluid of Crocodile Dundee, or the XXXX variety? Difficult medical choices for the Aussie quacks obviously. The old toper’s excuse, “I only drink for medicinal reasons” now has new backing.

But if the patient had died, what would they have put on the death certificate? Cause of death : acute alcoholism aggravated by a small quantity of anti-freeze?

So will the defeated Australian rugby team receive the same treatment? They’ll be queuing up for it, mate!