After much research and crystal ball gazing, here are Syntagma’s tech predictions for 2007. They’re made on the premise that predictions are rarely right whatever we say :

1. Microsoft announces the next version of its Windows operating system will be named “Alpha Centauri” after a star situated 6 million light-years away. Following sporadic media hilarity, the company hastily changes it to, “Coming Soon”.

2. Former British Prime Minister, Tony Blair, is appointed CEO of startup company, YoHoo. Speaking from Michael Jackson’s Neverland ranch, where he’s enjoying a freebie holiday with his wife and extended family, Blair says, “President Bush suggested it, so I could hardly refuse”.

3. The Blog Herald is sold again to website : www.@/#~35hgd+*g.blogspot.com, which turns out to be a splog owned by would-be Russian oligarch Oleg Splatovski, who once bid a non-existent oil well for Chelsea Football Club. The price paid for The Blog Herald is said to be one million barrels of Vladivostok crude.

4. Techmeme is bought by Disney Corp as part of its expansion into Web 2.0 cartoon inventory. Later, a red-faced spokesduck says, “We thought it was a Mickey Mouse website”.

5. Robert Scoble announces he’s running for President in 2008. John Edwards agrees to become his running mate saying, “I know a good thing when I see it.”

6. Martin Neumann publishes his first digital book under new imprint, kickstartpress : “How We Won the Ashes”. Withdrawing the title later, Neumann says he didn’t realize the book was more than a year old.

7. Google admits it made a mistake in purchasing YouTube and sells it on to b5media for $1.7 billion. A press release from b5 claims, “It’s a real bargain, especially as Rick Segal is paying for it out of his contingency fund”.

8. TechCrunch is bought by Kelloggs Corp for an undisclosed sum. An insider source says, “It’s a great name for our new, improved cornflakes recipe”.

9. Syntagma Media launches a new social network where users can post their worst ever mistakes. Called YouBoob, it’s quickly bought up by David Krug for $2.6 billion. Krug later laments, “We thought it was a porn site”.

You heard it here first. Mind how you go.